supporting a young person experiencing sextortion

Sexual extortion, also known as sextortion or sexual blackmail, affects people of all ages and can be extremely distressing for those impacted. Experiences of sextortion in Australia have been increasing, and it is often young people, particularly young men, being targeted. If a young person you know is being sextorted, your non-judgmental care and support can make a huge difference to them.  

There are things that can be done to increase online safety and reduce the risk of online harm from happening in the first place. However, this article focuses on what you can do to help someone who is, or who you are worried might be, experiencing sextortion.   

Who’s to blame? 

Regardless of how the images were obtained, sextortion is never the fault of the person being targeted. And it is not the fault of the people who care about them, who might feel they should have known or been able to protect their young person.  

Sextortion is harmful and is never OK. It is the people threatening to share the images without consent who are doing the wrong thing.  
 

What is the difference between sexting and sextortion? 

Depending on the circumstances, consensual sexting between young people in a trusting and respectful relationship is not unusual and can be a positive experience. Sextortion is different because it involves efforts to blackmail or extort someone by threatening to share their sexual images without consent.  

Read our guide to learn about risks and benefits of sexting and the laws relating to sexting.  

What should I do if I think my young person is being sextorted? 

Because of the nature of sextortion, many young people find it hard to reach out for help. If you have reason to think your young person might be being sextorted, it’s OK to ask them directly. Consider starting the conversation by sharing what you have noticed and your concern for them. Then you might say something like: 

“Social media and being online is great for connecting and sharing, but it can also lead to problems. Have you ever felt like you had to do something online you didn’t want to do?”  

Or you can take a more direct approach: 

“I have been reading about this thing called sextortion which targets young people, tricking them into sharing pictures and then blackmailing them. It is such a terrible thing to do to someone. Have you ever heard or experienced anything like that?” 

Even if the young person isn’t comfortable to open up, you have shown you are ready to talk about sensitive topics like this. Depending on the young person’s relationships and networks, you might also suggest they talk with another trusted family or community member if they prefer. 

Possible effects of sextortion 

Every young person is unique and the effects of sextortion can vary. Young people might: 

• feel frightened, alone, humiliated, trapped, angry and/or betrayed;
  
  
• believe it’s their fault, especially if they have supplied the images or ‘given in’ to some of the blackmailer’s demands to try and stop or change what is happening;
  
  
• feel ashamed if they have been tricked by scammers or people they thought they could trust;
  
  
• be fearful of getting themselves, or others, into trouble if family, community, teachers or employers find out 
  
  

For some, sextortion can lead to thoughts of self-harm or suicide. If this is happening to your young person, it is important to seek professional help. 

Look after yourself

When a young person is being sextorted, it is likely to be confronting and tough for those who care about them. Family members might feel shame about what is happening and worry about the reactions of other people in their community if they find out. While it might not come easily to think about your needs when your young person is having a difficult time, it is important to take steps to look after yourself. If you are finding it hard to manage on your own, don’t hesitate to seek help, while holding in mind and respecting the young person’s wish for privacy during this time. 

What to do when sextortion is occurring

Advice from the eSafety Commissioner: 

• Stop all contact with the blackmailer
• Where possible, take screen shots for police/reporting purposes
• Do not pay the blackmailer or bow to their demands. Blackmailers usually give up when they realise you won’t pay
• Report what is going on. If the young person is under 18, it can be reported to the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation (ACCCE). Young people aged 18 and over can report it directly to the platform/s or services the blackmailer used to contact them. They can also report it to the eSafety Commissioner.

The eSafety Commissioner outlines further steps you and your young person can take to stop the sextortion, protect their safety and, if relevant, take down images or prevent them being shared.  

The Australian Federal Police provide a response kit to help young people manage sextortion, including what to expect when reporting to the ACCCE.

Additional resources

National Centre for Missing and Exploited Children (USA): This short, 7-minute interactive video shows an actor in the role of a young person who gets sextorted. It is based on real reports and may be distressing. Watch No Escape Room. 

eSafety Commissioner: Dealing with sexual extortion and How to help someone deal with image based abuse 

Information about sexting: Parentline - Sexting and its impact on young people, or visit Youth Law Australia for information about laws on sexting and consent.

Preventing online harm: 

eSafety Commissioner: Online safety basics and Sending nudes and sexting  

Australian Federal Police ThinkUKnow: preventing child sexual exploitation and other online harms  

The headspace Content Reference Group oversee and approve clinical resources made available on this website. 

Last reviewed 6 May 2024.